I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Randomize
