Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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