No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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