I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
