I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
