I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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