so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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