My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
