it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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