I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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