sarcasm needs its own font
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
