Nicole vs. Life
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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