Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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