guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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