Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
