well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
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