my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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