I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
