I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
