I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
