i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
