summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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