Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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