I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
