Midget sex pt 2 tonight
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
