are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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