well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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