wanna go halves on a baby?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
