i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Randomize
