That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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