Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
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I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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