I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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