I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize