So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
