What did we do last night that was yellow?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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