I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
