After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
