so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i dont even know how to be here
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
