upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
