That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Randomize
