dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
