We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
