Don't EVER smell your tampon
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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