if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Randomize
