doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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