I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
