Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
