if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
