i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
