how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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