I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
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