so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
