I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
