Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
it glows. i had to have it.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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