Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
