I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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