Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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