I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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