I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
