so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
