I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
