there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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