mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
