On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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