I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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