she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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